Because of the mean,sometimes brutal and unloving way he treated us, I never thought much ofhim as a father, and definitely not as someone I would call my dad, nordid my older brother, Joseph Jr. - or Joey - who ran away from home whenhe was 17. He turned 18 before being 'caught' so he didn't have to goback, which he didn't.My father then decided that, regardless of my desires, I was now in lineto continue the family tradition and become a cop, too. I was the'good' boy, I guess. But I knew I was probably too 'good' to be a goodcop. I understood that there were times you had to be a hardass, whichI knew I never could be. I also suppose in some deep recess of my mindthat I wanted him to love me, and maybe my yielding to his desires waspart of that, but I also doubted that even if I made it onto the force,that love would ever come.Of course, my father would say any number of times, "You're going to theacademy. They'll toughen you up. You'll turn out great, I just know."It didn't, I. I gave his hand a squeeze. "After what Steph and I just did, what difference does it make?" I think we both thought of - doing something," Carl admitted. "Only we didn't know what, and we were both embarrassed. I know some guys jerked off together, but I never did." Uh - can we go back upstairs?" Stephanie asked after a few moments of silence."I've got to call my Mom first," I answered. "How long can we stay?" My parents won't be back until tomorrow," Stephanie admitted. "You could even sleep-over if you'd like." She looked at both of us hopefully.So I called my mom and got permission, and Carl called his, and then the three of us headed for the shower. Stephanie assured us it was big enough for all three of us, and she was right! And, since I was itchy down there, I let Stephanie lather me up and remove the stubble with a disposable razor while Carl looked on. And Stephanie took advantage of that opportunity to study my plumbing, in depth, you might say. And, while she was on her.
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